


Snuggle Diaries of Jill Stingray

by MJJean



Category: VA-11 Hall-A (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, I Feel Very Lonely, It's Election Night and I Wanna Write Some Goddamn Happy Gays, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Sex, Naked Cuddling, Post-Coital Cuddling, Sleeping Together, There's Some Platonic Cuddling, There's Some Romantic Cuddling, This Is Entirely About Cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:47:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27379684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MJJean/pseuds/MJJean
Summary: Three nights where Jill slept alongside someone, three different feelings.
Relationships: Jill Stingray/Dana Zane
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

22/12

I never asked for this. I didn’t ask to end up like this. Resting my head against a lilim’s thighs, her fingers running through my hair. I feel Dorothy’s light body against mine. I feel like this may be heaven.

I had an outburst yesterday. Old shit dragged out into public. Hurt a lot more than I ever thought it would. And tonight, I finish work, and she’s there to greet me. Dana paid her to stay with me tonight. Honestly, when we left I had planned on protesting and telling her I was fine. But Dana… I trust her judgment, and she was firm about this.

Dorothy feels like an expert. Every time I felt awkward while riding home, she’d hold me tighter from where we sat. She’s soft, and her arms seemed to follow the aching pain in my gut that’s been there since yesterday. Since a long time, really. Every time I felt her shift she filled a hole inside me. And when she broke away when we got something to eat, when we walked down the hall to my apartment, when I was laying out bedding on the floor beneath the kotatsu… it felt so so cold.

And when she hugged me again it was so much warmer. All that’s between me and the cold winter air is a blanket, and her skin. And I feel warm to my core.

I don’t know why it’s affecting me like this. It’s not lust, or attraction. She’s being paid to do this, even. By all accounts it should be impersonal. But when I curled up under the sheets, when she sat down and rested her head in my lap, I latched on. Something about her presence. Having someone I could put my arms around.

I knew, and I don’t know why I knew, she was really there for me. She wasn’t saying anything, just letting me hold on. I didn’t want to spill my guts to her. I didn’t want words. I didn’t want some magical statement about how her being paid was a lie or how really she was just… just… going to make everything better.

I’ll wake up tomorrow. The riots didn’t happen, but everything was fine. The bar wouldn’t be closed. Gaby comes back saying Lenore was ok and I had just dreamed it. I wasn’t responsible for her death. Dana and I could live happily.

I didn’t believe a word of that. I wouldn’t believe a word of that. But I did believe there was a girl who cared about me. She rubbed and petted my back. She ran her fingers through my hair. She wiped away the tears that I didn’t notice were welling up in my eyes. She let me hold her tight like a well-worn stuffed animal that was protecting me from monsters.

I’m sure she was pretty, but I didn’t look at her at all. My face was pressed up against her, but there wasn’t anything erotic. I was exposed to her, but I didn’t feel embarrassed.

I felt safe.

I was safe.

There was nothing that really kept me safe.

But she would let me dream I was.

And feeling the warm fuzzy bliss, I drifted to sleep in her lap.


	2. Chapter 2

1/01

I climbed back under the covers after letting the ghost out. It was a brand new year, a brand new… more… new things. Same ol delusions.

Gaby was still fast asleep, thank god my chat didn’t wake her. She remained peaceful, breathing in and out. The blankets rose and fell. It was…

Hard to put my finger on how I felt then.

But as I settled back in, her breathing fell off the even pace and she rolled over. It was dark, but I caught a glimpse of her face. Scrunched up, almost pained. I heard her whisper things, things my heart had been thinking as well.

Of course she would be. As much as I had been hurting, she had lost her closest friend.

I couldn’t bear to look at her face, to register the words she was saying in her slumber. I wonder if it was a nightmare or a good dream turned bittersweet.

But in that moment, I took her head in my arms in held her close. Gently, so as not to disturb her. And in her sleep, her breathing evened out. Her words stopped. I felt her face bury in my chest.

And she hugged back.

It’d been a long time since I shared a house with her, and I was never the one to stay with her on dark nights. Lenore was always there for her, and while we had a good relationship, I kinda got the sense that Gaby at the time was sometimes jealous. Never more than the fleeting feelings a child might have, but she definitely cared more for Lenore than me. She wanted Lenore there.

But now it was just us.

I thought back to what Anna had asked me. If I was truly going to be by her side. If my words weren’t just empty promises.

There was never doubt in my heart. Maybe some in my head. A traitorous thing—the mind is. The worries of if I’d be able to give her what she needed, the fear that she may still resent me, whether or not I’d be capable.

But right now, she was buried in my chest. Her dreams were quelled. I wasn’t Lenore, but I’d be there for her. She wasn’t Lenore, but she was important to me. And no matter where this year would take us, her quiet breathing in this moment was enough sign that I was where I needed to be tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

??/??

I couldn’t get this stupid grin off my face. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t grinning actually. I just felt like it on the inside. Even if my face had the cheesiest grin on it, who would know? It was a secret between me and my conscience. How much of a dork I was, exposed. How could I not be smiling though?

I was dead tired. I was exhausted and drained and I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t sleep because of the lightning still in my system. I couldn’t sleep because I was too comfortable. I fit too snug in her arms. I felt too amazing to not savor this moment. Dana had her left arm around me, a warm metal that I couldn’t tell wasn’t skin. It was a part of her, as real a part of her as my chest was. As real a part of her as her left hand that rested on my cheek. As real as her cute sleeping face.

She proposed this trip to get away. In my wildest dreams this would be the result. An unfamiliar room, everything in this haze of dreamlikeness. This didn’t feel real, but she did. She was solid, I could feel her, I could feel what we did. I had my arms around her, all my senses were telling me yes: I wasn’t dreaming.

Dana Zane was beside me.

Dana Zane loved me.

That was fucking amazing.

Dana Zane was underneath my head, she was wrapped around me, she was entirely next to me and sleeping peacefully with me on her. She was real to the touch, not a figment of my overactive imagination. She was warm in some places, cool in others. Her abs were firm, lips were soft, her face was smiling and it was because I was there.

I could barely contain myself.

How could I sleep?

I loved her. And all of the butterflies in my stomach about tonight were soundly kicked out. All the anxiety about her not loving me back was squelched. She called me cute, she called me hers, I was sleeping on her. For a moment, for just a moment, I loved myself. I loved Dana Zane, and Dana Zane said she loved me. How could I hate something she loved?

I…

I am a fucking dork.

My face was definitely still grinning. But it was also completely red because of how embarrassing I was. How much of a dork could I be?

If I got to sleep that night, I kept dreaming of the same things. Reality was so much sweeter than a dream, because reality meant I was still by her side.


End file.
